Day 1 – Japanese Week

Dear G, I have to admit that I've been pretty obsessed by Japan this week. Always felt strong about the Japanese, manner, food and culture, but the three disasters (earthquake, tsunami and nuclear plant mess), they really hit me. One or two days I even felt that the future of the Fukushima plants relied on my constant news update. Quite addictive, that is…

So when it snowed so much again the other day, I said to myself: "It is such a good thing all this snow is here and not in North East Japan. Dear God, if you just fix their houses and nuclear plants, I'll handle the snow."

Truth is, I'm not really handling it. I've always had more problems with my back during winter. I guess it's the cold, the weight of shoes and outdoor clothes, – and also walking in heavy snow or trying not to fall on ice – that makes my back so sore and tense. And it's going on forever…

Look out the window, we have not seen our lawns since mid November!

And no, x-country skiing doesn't make it for me. I have pain sitting, standing, walking and sleeping. I need to run. I need spring.

But compared to Japan?

Small problems, great future.

Today I ran about 6k. A little icy at places, but what a lovely day to start a brand new 100 days club! I'm so glad we're doing this, and have you seen what I have in my window?

A branch of Forsythia from our garden.

Looks Japanese, doesn't it?

Day 9 – On How I Resemble Monica Z

Dear G, I guess you're familiar with the great Swedish singer Monica Zetterlund?

She sang like a queen. She was so sensitive, so stylish, vulnerable, beautiful and exotic.

She had a great integrity.

A lingonberry sprig in a cocktail glass, she was described.

Oh, I would like to resemble Monica Z!

To have her style! I want to look good in dresses, like she did. I want to wear a green knitted sweater like she did in Att angöra en brygga, looking like a queen.

My best motivation for our project the ambition to fit in nice clothes. To get the right size, like I had before I met my love.

I'm in it for fashion.

To be, if not Monica Z, something like her.

Monica Z died in May 2005, while you were pregnant with M and I was pregnant with J. She had scoliosis, with a severe back pain that made her an addict of painkillers. And alcohol. She ended up in a wheel chair, with increasingly difficulties to move.

When her home was set on fire she was not able to leave the appartement.

Monica Z was burned to death.

I do resemble Monica Z.

Not that I'm blond.

Not that I can sing anything like her.

But my back look like hers.

I've had pain from it about every day since I was 20, and by some reason it got a lot worse. More bended. Our Dr D has threatened me that if I don't do anything about it I may also end up in a wheel chair. Immovable like Monica Z.

Or I will have to do a surgery with a 9-12 months of rehabilitations and a 62 % risk of complications, the worst of them dying during surgery.

Which scares me as much. I have two thoughts in my mind. Not like Monica. And who will look after my children?

I've been asked not to run. So I didn't run, and got far worse pain. A doctor said I could run, but carefully. I ran carefully. Or, I don't no what carefully running is, but tried.

Still had back pain.

July 20, I met a doctor who said "oh please, do run, you need to strengthen your body".

Today I met his fellow the physiotherapist, a HULK of 100 kg muscles, from some northern part of our country. I was told to take of all my clothes but the bra and briefs, lie on a bunk, and then he put his full weight on top of me, making my back crunch, crack and scrunch. Over and over again.

It wasn't painful, but so weird!

Mr Physiotherapist Hulk has given me a program to do twice a day.

As I'm not ending up like Monica.

When it comes to the back.

Otherwise, I'm a lot like Monica!